Guest Blog - Clare Lawlor

Jemma smiling themselves into our hearts
Jemma smiling themselves into our hearts

Today, I have the great honor of introducing the great,the one and only Clare Lawlor to you guys.

Who is that you may ask?

The secret gay force at CBC Canada, who is responsible for stalking down the worldwide Jemmamafia and putting them on national Canadian Radio.

Clare is brilliant at saying what we all feel, so...

Read what Jemma means to her..and better get those tissues out.

I actually meant to begin this laudatio with an "And that's how Clare and I met", but truth is, Clare and I..never met!

A few months ago, Jemmainternational was still in its puppy shoes( we still are, but let's pretend for a second here) a mail reached us through the contact form.

A Canadian lady was asking us for a radio interview.


After some time zone arrangements and avoiding the fact, that I (still) don't own a landline phone, I bid the nurses goodbye after my Monday night late shift,snuck off to the office,took off my shoes,propped my stockinged feet up on the desk,and started some paperwork, waiting for a phone call from Toronto.

The phone rang, and on the other end of the line, there wasn't a high gloss journalist,as I would have expected,  but, well Clare.(Ok, Clare, I have to admit,I kind of expected a brunette Helena version,6 feet tall, straight bun, lipstick, a stewardess!)

We chatted it up for about an hour, laughing and joking and talking about Jemma, while in the opposite wing of the hospital the lights went on and out,patients were turned,drew the curtains and slept.


It was such a joy and such a pleasure to talk about our girls, Jenny and Emma, with someone who is a media professional, and yet such an enthusiast, and to see that even though we might be miles and miles and weather zones apart, we still had the same issues and concerns and loves to talk and swoon about.

We kind of all do, no matter where in the world we might be.

Many months and much heartbreak has happened, but I have always carried that sentiment with me ever since.

I would like to thank Clare not only for writing this blog, but also for, well, almost making me cry. 

I lacked the words,thanks for expressing how, I too, feel.





P.S.: You'll find the Blog translated into four languages.First is the original English, then the Spanish, the German and the Italian last.Just scroll down.Thank you to our lovely translatresses:-)

Love at first sight?
Love at first sight?


It’s been about six months since Jenny and Emma first entered my life. Now, as our time together draws to a close, I’m forced to come to terms with the painful realization that my relationship with them will most likely be my greatest love affair.

Sure, some will say that I didn’t really know them. That it was just a fling. That one day I’ll meet a real woman who’ll make me forget all about those times we shared. But I know that there will always be a place in my heart that belongs only to them, a place filled with Jenny’s dimples and Emma’s bashful smiles and all the laughter, joy and even… yes… even the tears that we silently shared. 

Some will say that Jenny and Emma were simply drama queens. That neither of them could go even a few days without a plane crashing or a bus blowing up. That someone continually had to be in a state of shock or messed up on drugs in order to keep things interesting. But is it their fault, I ask, that they were trapped in a daily soap that needed every episode to end in some sort of disaster? I say that’s just blaming the victim. If they knew Jenny and Emma like I know Jenny and Emma they’d  see how much we all just wanted to be left alone to “singen” and “tanzen” and enjoy our love.

It’s a cruel thing that they’ll never know all the ways I tried. All the long, late nights I’d spend with the subtitles, lurking in the online forums and stalking the seedy websites with the slash fanfics. I’d go anywhere and do anything to spend more time with them. I talked to the people at Sat1 on their behalf. I pled their case to the citizens of Canada on national public radio. But sometimes wishing’s just no good. And now the cold wind is hitting my face and they’re walking away…

So it is to you, my Jemma community, that I now turn with my "gebrochen" heart. For I think you are the only ones who can truly understand my pain. My friends just don’t get it: “Jenny and Emma who? Oh, the German girls” they say as they whisper “Get a life” under their breath. And I know that you know just like Jenny knows… it’s a hard thing faking a smile when you feel like you’re falling apart inside.

Still, I know that Jenny and Emma will forever be an echo in my head and I’ll remember every word they said. Because they were more than two well-written and well-acted characters on a semi-obscure German soap. For a few months of my life they were… love.

Clare Lawlor, aka Radio Dyke - Winnipeg, Canada




Han pasado cerca de seis meses desde que Jenny y Emma entraron por primera vez a mi vida. Ahora, a medida que nuestro tiempo juntas llegan a su cierre, me veo forzada a aceptar la cruda realidad de que mi relación con ellas es muy posible que sea mi más grande romance.


Seguro, algunas dirán que en realidad no las conocí. Que fue solo una aventura. Que algún día conoceré a una mujer real quien me hará olvidar todos esos momentos que compartimos. Pero yo sé que siempre habrá un lugar en mi corazón que les pertenece sólo a ellas, un lugar lleno de los hoyuelos de Jenny y las sonrisas tímidas de Emma, y toda la risa, gozo e, incluso… sí… incluso las lágrimas que silenciosamente compartimos.

Algunas dirán que Jenny y Emma eran simplemente reinas del drama. Que ninguna de las dos podía pasar unos días sin que se estrellara un avión o un bus estallara. Que alguien continuamente tenía que estar en estado de shock o drogada para que las cosas se mantuvieran interesantes. Pero es su culpa, pregunto, ¿que estuvieran atrapadas en una novela diaria que necesitaba que cada episodio terminara en algún tipo de desastre? Yo digo que eso es sólo culpar a la víctima. Si ellos conocieran a Jenny y Emma como yo conozco a Jenny y Emma ellos verían lo mucho que todas solamente queríamos que nos dejaran con el “canto” y la “danza” y disfrutar nuestro amor.

Es algo cruel que nunca van a saber todas las formas que trate. Todas las noches largas que pase con los subtítulos, acechando los foros online y los sórdidos websites con fanfics. Iría a cualquier parte y haría cualquier cosa para pasar más tiempo con ellas. Hablé con las personas de Sat1 en su nombre. Declaré su caso a los ciudadanos de Canadá en radio pública nacional. Pero a veces solamente desear algo no es bueno. Y ahora el viento frio está golpeando mi cara y ellas se están alejando…

Entonces es a ustedes, mi comunidad Jemma, a quien ahora recurro con mi corazón “roto”. Porque creo que son ustedes las únicas que en verdad pueden entender mi dolor. Mis amigos simplemente no lo entienden: “¿Jenny y Emma quiénes? Oh, las chicas alemanas” dicen mientras susurran “Consíguete una vida”. Y yo sé que ustedes saben, justo como Jenny sabe… es algo difícil fingir una sonrisa cuando sientes que te estas desmoronando por dentro.

De igual manera, yo sé que Jenny y Emma serán por siempre un eco en mi cabeza y recordaré cada palabra que dijeron. Porque ellas fueron más que dos bien escritos y actuados personajes en una novela semioscura alemana. Por unos meses en mi vida ellas fueron… amor.


Clare Lawlor aka Radio Dyke - Winnipeg, Canadá




Es sind nun ungefähr sechs Monate, seitdem Jenny und Emma in mein Leben traten.Nun, da sich unsere gemeinsame Zeit ihrem Ende zuneigt, werde ich dazu gezwungen der Erkenntnis ins Auge zu blicken, dass meine Beziehung mit den beiden wahrscheinlich die grösste Liebesgeschichte meines Lebens sein wird.

Klar, werden einige sagen,dass ich sie gar nicht wirklich kannte.Dass es nur eine Affäre war. Dass ich eines Tages eine reale,echte Frau treffen werde, die mich all die Zeiten ,die wir miteinander teilten, vergessen machen wird.

Aber ich weiss, dass es in meinem Herzen einen Ort geben wird,der nur ihnen gehört.Einen Ort der angefüllt sein wird mit Jennys Grübchen und Emmas verlegenen Lächeln und all dem Gelächter, und der Freude und sogar, ja...sogar den Tränen die wir still teilten.

Einige werden sagen, dass Jenny und Emma einfach nur Drama Queens waren.Dass beide es nicht schafften ein paar Tage ohne einen Flugzeugabsturz oder eine Busexplosion zu überleben.Dass jemand sich ständig entweder in einem Schock- oder Rauschzustand befinden musste um die Dinge spannend zu gestalten.

Aber ich frage ganz offen, war es denn ihre Schuld, dass sie in einer Seifenoper gefangen waren, die jede Folge in einer Art Desaster enden lassen musste?

Ich sage, das bedeutet nur, dass man die Opfer beschuldigt.

Wenn sie Jenny und Emma gekannt hätten, so wie ich Jenny und Emma kenne, dann hätten sie gesehen,wie sehr wir alle gern mit "Singen" und "Tanzen" in Ruhe gelassen werden wollten um unsere Liebe zu geniessen.

Es ist grausam, dass sie niemals wissen werden wie viel Mühe ich mir gegeben habe.

All die langen, späten Nächte die ich mit Untertiteln verbracht habe, die ich in den Foren gelauert und den zweifelhaften Webseiten mit den slash fanfictions verbracht habe.

Ich wäre überall hingegangen und hätte alles getan,nur um noch etwas mehr Zeit mit ihnen zu verbringen.

Ich habe mit Sat1 für sie gesprochen.Ich habe ihren Fall den Bürgern Canadas auf öffentlichem,nationalem Radio vorgebracht.

Aber manchmal bringt alles Wünschen nichts.Und nun trifft der kalte Wind auf mein Gesicht,und sie ziehen von dannen...

Nun denn, so seid ihr es, meine Jemma Gemeisnchaft, zu der ich mich mit meinem gebrochenen Herzen wende. weil ich glaube, dass ihr die einzigen seid, die ihr meinen Schmerz verstehen könnt.

Meine Freunde verstehens einfach nicht;"Jenny und Emma, wer?Oh, die deutschen Mädels.." sagen sie, während sie leise "get a life" flüstern.

Und ich weiss, so wie ihr es wisst, so wie es Jenny weiss, es ist hart ein Lächeln zu spielen, während man innerlich auseinanderbricht..

Aber dennoch weiss ich, dass Jenny und Emma für immer ein Echo in meinem Kopf sein werden und ich werde mich an jedes Wort erinnern das sie sagten.

Weil sie mehr waren als zwei gut geschriebene und gut-gespielte Rollen in einer semi-unbekannten deutschen Seifenoper.

Für ein paar Monate in meinem Leben waren sie...Liebe.

Clare Lawlor aka Radio Dyke - Winnipeg, Canada

In love with them yet?
In love with them yet?

 Sono passati circa sei mesi da quando Jenny ed Emma sono entrate nella mia vita per la prima volta. Adesso che il nostro tempo insieme sta giungendo alla fine, sono costretta a scendere a patti con la dolorosa consapevolezza che la mia relazione con loro sarà probabilmente il più grande amore della mia vita.


Certo, qualcuno dirà che non le conosco veramente. Che è stata solo un'infatuazione. Che un giorno incontrerò una donna vera che mi farà dimenticare tutto questo tempo che abbiamo condiviso. Ma so che ci sarà sempre un posto nel mio cuore che apparterrà solo a loro., un posto dedicato solo alle fossette di Jenny, ai timidi sorrisi di Emma e a tutte le risate, la gioia, e... sì, anche alle lacrime che abbiamo condiviso silenziosamente.


Qualcuno dirà che Jenny ed Emma erano semplicemente due regine del dramma. Che nessuna delle due poteva passare un paio di giorni senza che cadesse un aereo o un bus saltasse in aria. Che qualcuna doveva essere continuamente in uno stato di shock o strafatta di droga per poter mantenere alto l'interesse. Ma è colpa loro, vi chiedo, se si sono ritrovate intrappolate in una soap opera quotidiana che aveva bisogno che ogni episodio terminasse in un qualche specie di disastro? Io dico che questo è dare la colpa alla vittima. Se avessero conosciuto Jenny ed Emma come le conosco io, avrebbero visto quanto noi avremmo solo voluto essere lasciate in pace a “singen” (cantare) e “tanzen” (ballare) e goderci il nostro amore.


E' crudele il fatto che non sapranno mai in quanti modi ci ho provato. Di tutte le lunghe notti che ho passato a fare sottotitoli, a leggere i forum online e a guardare di nascosto i loschi siti di fanfiction. Andrei ovunque e farei qualunque cosa per passare più tempo con loro. Ho parlato con le persone di St1 per loro conto. Ho perorato la loro causa ai cittadini canadesi sulla radio pubblica nazionale. Ma a volte desiderare non fa bene. E adesso il vento freddo mi colpisce il volto mentre loro si allontanano...


Quindi è a voi, mia Jemma community, che rivolgo il mio cuore infranto. Perché credo che voi siate gli unici che possano capire il mio dolore. I miei amici non lo capiscono, dicono: - “Jenny ed Emma chi? Ah, le ragazze tedesche”, mentre sospirano sottovoce “fatti una vita”. E so che voi sapete, così come lo sa Jenny... è difficile fingere un sorriso quando senti che dentro stai cadendo a pezzi.


Comunque, so che Jenny ed Emma saranno per sempre un eco nella mia testa, e ricorderò ogni parola che hanno detto. Perché sono state più di due personaggi ben scritti e ben recitati in una quasi sconosciuta soap opera tedesca. Per alcuni mesi della mia vita sono state... l'amore.

Clare Lawlor, aka Radio Dyke - Winnipeg, Canada


After the Berlin Flashmob
After the Berlin Flashmob

Kommentar schreiben

Kommentare: 12
  • #1

    Chocofresh (Sonntag, 28 August 2011 22:05)

    Beautifully written, thank you. Argh, can't type anymore - where are those tissues?

  • #2

    Stone (Sonntag, 28 August 2011 22:37)

    Thanks for this new blog-entry. What made Jemma so special was it's huge (international) fanbase. Nice to see that there are Jemma-Fans all over the world.

  • #3

    Anns (Sonntag, 28 August 2011 22:48)

    Very well put Clare. Please excuse me while I go sit in a corner and cry for a moment or two.

  • #4

    Ammy (Sonntag, 28 August 2011 23:04)

    I'm pretty sure she took the words out of every Jemma Fan's mouths. It's hard to imagine my world without Jenny and Emma. How does one mend a broken heart of a love lost? My friends tell me that when it ends within the week I will have moved onto something new. WAS!?! NEIN, MEINE FREUNDE! I refuse to believe that these girls could EVER be a fleeting memory!....And what of our AMAZING online Jemma Community?!?..How can I continue when there won't be any new episodes to talk about Emma's new-found cleavage?!? Or Jenny's...Jenny's...well, Jenny's everything!?!?....*Sigh* Now I'm off to go to Ikea and lay on that flowered bedset and drown my sorrows in Chocofresh and Lovefool.

  • #5

    Rui Arshana (Montag, 29 August 2011 00:44)

    *cry a river*

    OMG, the way you put your sorrow into Be Mine lyrics is just ..... *sobs harder*

    I believe you have just represented what all of Jemma fans have been feeling ... I myself felt like there is something I so loved dearly, have been taken from me ..... No more new Emma's cute smile, puppy eyes, her plaids, her cleavage, and also no more Jenny's dimple, leggings, bloody red watch, vampire necklace, and more importantly, no more wonderful love scene and superb chemistry between the two that we love so much ...

    But I have faith in the fan community, as we shall keep them always in our deepest hearts, our dreams, our mind! Go ahead fanfic writers, GIF makers, cappers, fanvideo creators, go make Jenny and Emma last forever with your works!!! For Jemma is love, and love can endure even the hardest obstacle!


    *hugs everyone*

  • #6

    Carol2010 (Montag, 29 August 2011 03:41)

    Hi Clare, thanks for the tears! I share your pain, the adjustment back to real life is going to be a bit bumpy over the next while. But as the show draws to its untimely end, I realize that the sparkle and life that Jemma added my otherwise routine existence is here to stay. I've "met" so many generous and talented Jemma fans, my world has expanded globally and has been made richer. And I hope that Kasia and Lucy's lives are each richer because of Jemma. I know that I'll feel a bit better when we have good news about their future roles and successes. To lessen the loss, I'm looking forward to restarting the series on DVD...

  • #7

    San (Montag, 29 August 2011 04:22)

    We're all together, Clare.

    To be a part of this community has truly been an added bonus to the wonderful characters and love story that brought us together.

    Within my circle of friends, I don't have anyone to talk to about Jemma. To find a group of fellow fans from all over the world who think and joke about the same things that I do has been great fun. We Analyze, scrunitize, fantasize, and yes, occasionally objectify together ;)

    I love the back and forth. Sure, it's going to be hard keeping the same energy without the "Same time, Same Place" of an active TV series. I for one am willing to try to keep the discussion alive. If my digital librarian/archivist skills of organizing information can help that happen, I'd like to offer my services.

    Peace, hugs, and leggings!

  • #8

    Jemma-Fan (Montag, 29 August 2011 19:53)

    Oh my god. Thank you for this amazing entry. I'm glad to read that. I feel the same and nobody apart from Jemma-Fans understands this situation. It makes me so sad that it ends soon. Stay Jemma!

  • #9

    frananifan (Dienstag, 30 August 2011 04:54)

    To mark the end of the series I will be shouting a primal "JEEEEMMMMMAAAAAA" scream from the top of Niagara Falls this weekend. Water carries, so if any of you happen to hear it you will know it was me. (This exercise helps me process the more difficult transitions in I'm just putting it out there into the universe)

  • #10

    K. (Dienstag, 30 August 2011 06:36)

    Well put, Clare - you make me proud to be Canadian.

    I'm having a hard time with it being over too - believe you me. And, I thought this time last week that I might actually enjoy having more time to do other things. But, boy, was I wrong!

    Jemma has been so incredibly special that I truly believe nothing will ever rival this story. I always say that and am proven wrong - but it will be a long time, I feel, before any other relationships get close. This perfect marriage of acting, writing, and commitment to telling this story is something I have never seen before.

    I'm deeply saddened even at the thought of not seeing any more of Jenny and Emma, but I will never forget these past few months and treasure them always.

  • #11

    Helen (Dienstag, 30 August 2011 13:39)

    Thank you for writing this. It perfectly expresses what I feel too. And.. thank you so much to the Jemmainternational team for being brilliant and funny and working so hard to give all of us all our 'life support' translations. Much love :)

  • #12

    Marie-Helene (Dienstag, 30 August 2011 15:38)

    Merci Clare pour ta contribution. I feel the same. Through Jemma, I met a great community of fans, I discovered the German musicals (especially the German version of Wicked which is the ultimate version, in my view), I'm learning a new language, etc. So Jemma will stay with me for a while. By the way, I'm amazed to see so many Canadians among Jemma fans. I don't know if it's because the cold and the snow, but I do feel a special closeness with German culture and the people.

    Marie-Helene from Quebec